When I was 17 I was diagnosed with leukemia, a deadly blood cancer.
This blog is a story of my journey through it all and shows how I've managed to stay happy and healthy to this day.
I'm also a medical student - so I hope my experiences from both sides of the doctor patient relationship can inspire you to be the best person you can be.
Be sure to subscribe via email and share this to help others!
So it's been a while since I posted something here. A LONG while. Sorry to all my followers on this platform - I've moved to nikhilautar.com (I should be posting here and there though, that's my fault.
So where have I been? What have I been up to? Well, I've been working hard. Promise. I've nearly finished my research degree - the one I decided to complete while I waited for my immune system to strengthen, so I could do medicine again. Hopefully I'll get some publications and formally contribute to science and human development!
But I've also been busy on this startup. One I think could make a huge difference, and hopefully, save many lives.
I started this up after losing a couple of friends to preventable illnesses and complications. Things like falls, pneumonias, and pressure sores are our most common causes of hospitalisation, they take tens of thousands of lives per year, and cost us billions as well. I looked into the problem. Talked to a lot of nursing homes, patients and carers. And I realised there was an opportunity to create something that made life easier, reduced work for nurses and healthcare staff, prevented these issues - all at an affordable price point!
That's when I founded Get To Sleep Easy. How are we accomplishing this? Through our Smart Inclining Bed. This is a device which sits on top of your bed, and converts any bed into a hospital bed, for a tenth of the price of current beds! In addition to this, our smart sensors underneath can map user movement for a fraction of the price of current technologies. This allows us to, for the first time, let nursing homes, and people like you and me, who wanna keep our loved ones at home longer, be alerted of things like falls, pressure sore development - even if someone's stopped breathing! Plus, we've got some other cool innovations in the pipeline too. Check it out! And be sure to sign up to our email list if you're interested in becoming a test partner, or just interested in our development. Click here to sign up specifically for that - and click here to join my email list!
I'd love to share some awesome news... After a long month of campaigning, and losing a few friends from a bit of spam - we at Get To Sleep Easy won Australian Student Startup of the Year last week, at Startcon (the biggest startup conference on the scene)!
It's a huge honour. If you did know about this, whether you voted or not... I'd just like to say thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for all your support.
So where are we? What comes next?
Well, in a completely separate competition... we may be getting flown out to become GLOBAL Student Startup of the Year (that'll be amazing). We've got working prototypes which we hope to test with our amazing nursing home partners in 3 - 4 months time. For reference, we've got a device that converts any bed into a hospital bed for 1/10th of the price and smart sensors that detect and prevent falls, pressure sores - even if someone's stopped breathing (let me know if you'd like to test these, or get one for loved ones!)! We've got opportunities to jump into some prestigious business accelerators which will turbocharge our progress, for sure.
And finally, in a few weeks, we'll be doing some crowdfunding that'll hopefully get us much needed cash, get our brand out there, and show, even more, to future investors how much these things are needed! I'll email you on day 1 of launch if you sign up here (your support then would help us out in getting us seen through the Kickstarter algorithm - I'll explain more in a few weeks). But if you want, you can help us get there faster by supporting our GoFundMe too!
The Mellow- the most ergonomic, scientifically designed pillow on the market! Check this and other products out at GetToSleepEasy.org or support us on GoFundMe!
But yeah. Hopefully this can go on to make an impact.
In other news, for those of you who follow along on Facebook or Instagram, you may have heard about my recent health troubles... A few weeks ago, I had another cancer scare, after also getting a few sezires. But I'm glad to report all seems to still be well! Here's hoping there won't be any other scares like this in the future! My research - I've completed the degree/exam components! Now I've just gotta deliver my research project to graduate from that research degree! Hopefully, sometime over the next few years, I'll be healthy enough to get back into the wards, but Get To Sleep Easy, if we keep going the way we're going, will ensure I can keep making an impact, no matter what!
And I'm also writing a book too! Definitely check this out if you're interested (I need people to act as editors, for sure!)
I'd love to hear more about how you are. Again, thank you so much for all the support you've given me. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help you. And let me know what you think about Get To Sleep Easy.
The day I got into medicine, was the greatest day of my
life.
I'm sure many medical students and doctors would tell you the exact same
thing...
For me it was personal.
I'd always wanted to study medicine. What better job was there? You could save lives
and live in relative comfort your entire life. I'd get to emulate my childhood
hero growing up, Captain Hawkeye Pierce from M.A.S.H.
But after leukaemia struck my life... it became personal.
I wanted to help people as I'd been helped. It was my doctor's words; that
"The Good News Is You're 17 and You Have Leukaemia, but the Bad News is
You're 17, And You Have Leukaemia..." and his actions that got me to
believe that I actually had a chance in this... It was another patients' words
the day before my transplant that really sunk in, and changed my life. Imagine
being in a position to do that for people everyday!
My first day in medicine was one of the most joyful of my life.
I was so excited to finally be in a position to give back, and so delighted to
be alongside so many other people who cared just as me.
But as time went on... things changed.
For me, and for many of my classmates too.
As I progressed through the course, I got more and more burdened with work, and
more and more dissatisfied, and indoctrinated (pardon the pun) into the collective Group-Think of
modern medicine. One which emphasised speed over accuracy, marks over
competence. One which measured success through KPIs such as reduced wait times
and greater efficiency rather than reduced morbility and morbidity, and higher
patient satisfaction and involvement. As I feel many in this profession feel at some point.
And this in a population who are most educated about
mental illness, and the fact that they are illnesses, not just an abstract
constructs or "excuses," as many still widely suggest and believe.
Somehow still, amongst those with depression or severe symptoms of
depression, only 15% of medical students actually get help... For doctors... the rates are even lower.
Why is this happening though?
Aren't these people being paid heaps?
How I imagined life would be after med.
Aren't they close to services?
Don't they know the risks of the disease, and how altered biochemistry can
alter your very mental state - your very person?
Many doctors feel that showing
weakness is a failure on their part. A failure.
If they're not steady under pressure,
how can they serve their patients?
And that can be a tough burden
to bear...
400 doctors take their own
lives in America alone.
An entire medical school's
worth...
Junior doctors and medical students have similarly sky-high rates of depression
and suicide ideation (the 10% figure is a conservative estimate; studies in my
nation show , but have the added pressure of exams and the weight of
expectations on their shoulders too.
Furthermore, other factors, such as living on their own for the
first time, often overseas for many students (where the added pressure of
maintaining a steady income is another burden), high levels of student debt,
and the sheer pressure of the course and succeeding itself plagues many
students.
Many of my medical student and junior doctors friends
complain about many of the above stresses. Many feel medicine takes over their
lives. In a time where they should be out and enjoying their life, many
students, as well as doctors, regret not enjoying life more. And many feel disillusioned too. They feel they were misled
about what medicine actually was. About the impact they have. About the
difference they make. So many of my friends express this in particular. But the toxic, competitive hospital environment, where specialty spots are
limited, the medical heirachy is emphasised (and perpetuated by older doctors in an "If I went
through it, they should too" manner) and bullying is rife, also pushes many
young meddies over the edge.
One of those young doctors, a passionate advocate for medical students took her own life.
THREE. YOUNG. LIVES...
With so much to look forward
to.
In. One. Week.
2 people I knew took their own
life last year.
1 was an old school mate of
mine.
What can we do about it then? I guess that's the question
that remains.
Well, dealing with how doctors perceive themselves and
mental illness is one step in the right direction.
This great TED Talk, one of the highest rated of all time I
believe, discusses the expectation of doctor perfection, and how this
counter-intuitively actually worsens patient outcomes.
When doctors feel they have to be perfect, that their
mistakes are their fault, a great burden is placed on their head.
It's important to be competent, don't get me wrong. But
this unreal expectation of perfection is what, as Brian Goldman points out
here, is only harming doctors more.
We're not learning from it right now. There's no mandatory
reporting of issues or near misses in hospitals. More recently, at a quality
and safety lecture I attended, I learned there was one in our hospitals in my
state in Australia, but that it was under-utilized, and something feared by
doctors, as opposed to the learning tool it was intended to be.
Something as simple as a place for doctors to confess
mistakes, and seek sympathy from other doctors, could change the lives of
hundreds of thousands of silently suffering, perfection seeking, burned out
medicos. And it could improve patient outcomes too.
The numbers are alarming, to be sure. But not learning from
mistakes, not making diagnostic/prescribing/treatment processes better, and not
giving doctors a place to vent, and relax, is only going to increase this
number if anything.
A great TED talk by a very
interesting man - Atul Gawande (highly recommend his books on medicine and how
to fix it), discussing a simple process which reduced mortality in surgeries by
as much as 40% - a checklist. These little innovations and improvements are
necessary to accomplish the end goal of saving more lives and reducing
suffering!
But reducing medical error
alone isn't the only way we can ease doctors' strife.
I can only imagine how going to
work everyday, knowing that you're going to witness suffering, pain and death
can be soul-wrenching. I certainly do feel disillusioned when walking through
wards and seeing the same story, of a seemingly nice person, suddenly finding
their health deteriorating, and then, in most cases, having some scars from all
this tail them for life.
It wasn’t easy. It never is at
first. Especially when it’s someone you’ve really connected with.
I can’t imagine how you doctors
can deal with it. This is how I dealt, and deal with mine though...
When George passed… I was
devastated. It shouldn’t have happened. Not just because he was so young, not just
because he’d left a baby behind, but because it was so sudden. So unexpected.
Just so unfair.
And I was bereaved.
Inconsolable. But silently suffering. For weeks.
I didn’t realise it at the
time, but I was going through depression. That was the first time I did. That
someone so young, innocent, someone who I’d helped grow to overcome so many
battles and someone who I thought would make it could go so soon made me
question why bother at all? In the face of so much struggle, so much of which
that we couldn’t resolve… Why bother facing anything at all? It didn’t make
sense.
I stayed that way for weeks.
Scrolling down Facebook, watching Youtube video after Youtube video… unfeeling,
uncaring. Questioning why continue at all? Until one day, I talked to someone
about it. My father. He came up and hugged me from behind, and just held me.
And I asked him, “why do we
bother?” He’d sensed I was going through something. He didn’t know why. But he
did. A parent’s intuition maybe.
He said, “Nikhil. Look.
Everyone in this world will die someday.” An abrupt start to what I’d expected
would be an inspiring, or inappropriate joke, something frequently gushing from
his mouth to be sure. But he continued, “We can’t control that. What we can
control, is what we do in our lives. We focus on doing our responsibility, and
that’s all, as best as we can. And where we can, we leave this place a better
state than we found it in.”
I saw then, something I believe
is a fundamental truth of humanity.
The feeling of helping someone,
of being an active member of a community, in the essential sense of the connection
that humans need to survive. I'd always wanted to help people. It was just the right thing to do, it seemed. It's why I'd wanted to do medicine. Cancer just cemented that. But I realised that it also is the best thing you can do, not just for others, but also yourself. Because that feeling of putting a smile on someone's face, or easing someone's struggles... unlike things like fame, money, power, men or women - all those things we seem to desire most in life, that can never be taken away from you. That will never seem meaningless. That's something you can always do. And I want to share 1 unwaverable truth to all the doctors, medical staff, and regular people out there reading this... No matter how dire things seem, no matter how much you feel like you're just a cog in this machine which keeps churning out pain and death, no matter how much you feel hope, and powerless - YOU CAN, and DO, ALWAYS MAKE A DIFFERENCE. No matter what the outcome. Because what made my doctors special wasn't the medical calls they made or their knowledge and prowess, what made my doctors REALLY special to me was the times they'd talk about my biking progress or my basketball before an appointment (that alone mitigated the 1 - 2 hour wait to see them)... the time one doctor walked alongside me and chatted on the way to a lung plural biopsy which I knew was gonna hurt. It was the time my doctor decided to write in to the medical entrance board and allow me to sit the exams that would allow me to become a med student. THAT'S WHAT MADE THEM SPECIAL... to ME. I've sat down with men who were dying's families and held their hands as they knew they were about to go, and been told by their family that that night we played snakes and ladders a few days before he passed was something he remembered on his deathbed itself. That the barbecue one friend had on father's day, when a companion of mine in hospital had finally gotten gate-leave on Father's day was the best barbecue and one of the best meals he'd had in his life. But to those reading this, I also want you to know also that you don't have to go this far to create change. Because the little things are Huge. They not only give fleeting happiness to your patients, your small gestures, and make you feel HUGELY cared for too as a patient... something that I realised I hadn't felt when I had severe, suicidal depression for a year until I visited my old doctor, who'd treated me first (thank God I didn't take that jump on that day.)... They also make you realise, at a doctor, that YOU ARE making a difference.That YOU DO matter... Those little acts of kindness reinvigorate you. And if you take that opportunity to be the light in peoples' darkest day, instead of going into work everyday thinking "Oh here we go, another 12 hour shift where I'm looking after people I can't even listen to me, yet alone help or save", "you'll be thinking, "whose day can I make... whose pain can I ease... whose LIFE can I change?"And that's huge. It's the difference between this being a job and a profession. It's the difference between being run down or turning to alcohol or drugs to get by, and feeling fulfilled. It's the difference between life and death. So go out there and take every opportunity you can to do it. When you have a spare few minutes, take a few moments to see what allied health services around you can do to help improve quality of life for your patients and refer people to social workers to see how you can improve their lifestyles. They've made huge changes to my life, and so many others. It takes a median of 15 years for people to go see a pain clinic, for instance. Let's fix that.
A reason why people won't come in when they need to - "Oh why wait that long for something that won't help anyway"
And if you still feel sometimes down despite it all, please, do get help. The biggest reasons doctors don't seek help is fear for their career, or what their peers will think about them. If that's you, let me tell you this. I'm a man who used his mind to find a way of smiling, despite his cancer, 3 days after being told he'd had it at 17. I'm a man who's ridden 200km 2 months after chemo for cancer charity. I'm a man one who's running 2 social enterprises, one of which will save HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS and BILLIONS in healthcare expenditure and most importantly... I'm man who found a way to smile after he'd been told he'd relapsed and that palliative care was a very good option in JUST 10 MINUTES... But I still couldn't outthink depression. I still was miserable, despite my fighting against it and willing myself on, again and again. I still went into that deep dark place of wondering what's my point in my mind when the pain I face struck. If others think are thinking you're weak... then they'd better have done more than me. Otherwise, whoever is or would, is someone who doesn't understand something that should be basic knowledge. Someone judgemental and incapable of thinking outside the tiny little box that guides their life experience. Someone beneath your concern, someone who you wouldn't want to befriend anyway. Someone you shouldn't worry about, or let get into your way to becoming the most content version of yourself - something you do deserve, no matter what depression makes you feel otherwise. I say this because one of the other biggest reasons we don't get help is because we're embarrassed.
Sometimes that person is yourself. Most of us are strong people. We power on. We've gotten through gruelling pre-med studies, then through medical schools and internship and everything that comes with the job, or in the struggle to get there. We can beat this. Or we can't be one of those losers or sadsacks or whiners who suffers. We just get on with it. Scraping by, as some of us always have. But getting help isn't the "weak" option. You don't get anything out of beating it. Why risk proving it to yourself, or put it off, or dismiss it as unnecessary, or just chinning up, and putting on a facade when you can get help to get you through it. And I can tell you that when I got help, this all changed. Instead of walking in front of a train that day, I decided to walk across the street from the lab I worked in to see my old doctor, tired, cramping and feeling so alone. And thankfully, he was there. He just sat there, talked, and acted as any person would for another. He did what any doctor should do. He cared for me. As well as took care of me. He sent me to emergency, something you guys reading on mostly likely wouldn't have to do, and I saw a psychiatrist. When I saw her, she said I wasn't despondent, and didn't need admitting, but would require therapy, for some time. When I asked about an SSRI (I'd noticed something was wrong for weeks), I remembered tbere was a drug I'd looked up for my unexplainable, untreatable cramping called duloxetine. I suggested it instead of the one she'd prescribed... and on day 2 of it... I not only lost this fog that was clouding my brain for a year every single day that I now know was depression, I also stopped feeling the pain. I'd felt as good as I had for years! Since before cancer. But it wasn't just a drug that got me there, and got me to stay there.It was talking to someone about it. My psychiatrist, he mainly does psychotherapy. Indeed, his goal is to minimise drugs (indeed, I've eliminated all of my psychiatric;neurological ones for that depression currently), and I recommend seeing someone who does too - maybe a psychologist, perhaps your nations' doctor - doctor help line or mental health service (something I found out at that national doctors' conference that we did for the first time). It seems confronting to do - open yourself up and admit things that you've never admitted before - to others or yourself - but the very things that make it seem confronting are the very reasons why it's great. What you say, can never leave his or her office. You'll never see them in day to day life, or even have to see them again if you don't want to. They are literally professionals at their jobs. And whatever you say to them, they legally can't disclose to anyone! I encourage you to take that first step of reaching out to one, if you haven't before, and think you may benefit. And finally, I'd like to say thanks. You may not hear it a lot as doctors. It seems we patients are becoming less and less grateful over the years, but you guys really to matter to us. You see 20, 30, some of you, even 50 or 60 (in India, that's common according to my Uncle), but we only see 1. It seems like a huge burden when you put it that way. But it's also a huge opportunity. I hope what I've said convinces you to seize it with all your heart. Nikhil If you'd like to talk. I'm always here. Suicide hotlines: 13 11 14 - Lifeline Australia. Add a +61 after your international dialing requirement and punch this number if you don't have an alternative.
And I'd like to announce what I'm doing for the first time on this blog. I've started up a social enterprise that'll, as said above, save hundreds of thousands and billions of dollars a year! Check it out at www.gettosleepeasy.org - here's what it is.
So, in my nation (Australia), we're currently running a national survey on whether people think Same Sex Marriage (SSM) should be allowed or not. A simple yes or no vote (it cost us $122 million by the way, and is non binding, in addition to $10million or so given directly to religious organisations to push a no campaign). It's stirred up much debate in our nation. People are fuming. Fake news is flying rampant, mostly from the No side. And recently, I had an interaction with a "No"campaigner who was handing out pamphlets on how marriage equality will affect children, particularly how education on this will corrupt our children and take choice away from parents.
It's been interesting watching our quite liberal and supportive Prime Minister push this survey through while managing his conservative party to say the least.
My opinion on it - I'm all for SSM, even though I'm straight, even though I came from a background where homosexuality and anything of that nature was taboo. I'm all for equality. And for education. Many of the reasons for which I'll explain further below. But the main one? It's a health issue. LGBTQI people have a 5 - 11 times higher rate of attempted suicide compared to the usual population. 1/6 gay or lesbian have attempted suicide. 40% of transgender people (TWO IN FIVE!) have. Similar rates (15% and 41%) are thinking about it right now. And depression, anxiety, substance abuse and other mental illnesses/consequences of that? They're 21x more likely to suffer from those. What's heartbreaking is that children in SCHOOL face things ranging from bullying, violent assault WITH A KNIFE and RAPE at rates of 34%, 10% and 18% respectively. These effects last a lifetime. And that's only Lesbian/Gay/Bi-sexual children.... I can only imagine what the numbers are for trans kids... Moonlight, an amazing movie, was a hard watch to say the least.
So here they are. The 5 most common arguments made by Anti-SSM (Gay Marriage) Campaigners. Other than the religious "God and Jesus would say no" (which I content too - did an interview on it on national radio actually. I'm at 6 minutes or so)
Argument #1 : Where will it stop? Will I be able to marry my mother (no campaign slip spreader), my goat, children?
(concerningly, a family member who knows where farms are cited the goat argument)
The last 2 will never occur. It should be obvious but just to make it clear, why won't it? Because animals and children can't consent to relationships. It's why pedophilia and beastiality are crimes. Simple as that. Period.
The first won't either. Incest is a crime for a reason. You can produce offspring with an autosomal recessive disease at a 2-2.5x higher rate if you marry first cousins. Much higher for direct family. And also I think we've gotten enough exposure to that from Game of Thrones... eww.
Gay people can't help who they are and how they were born. Homosexuality is not only seen in nature, it was considered normal in many cultures til British colonialism and the spread of evangelicals who have since, in their mission to "save the world," (as this guy is trying to in his mind, I'm sure), created a society which puts homosexuals (and the 3-4% who identify as lgbtqi) at a 9x higher risk of suicide attempts and 21x higher risk of suffering serious mental health issues. The stats are much higher for some . I'm sorry if that seems like I'm offending you or attacking you for being you for saying this, but it's the truth. The minority have been facing what you have been just confronted with by more for centuries now. Personally I think religions do create more good than bad I've written about that in the past. (despite some catholic priests hypocritically coming out against SSM leading to pedophilia when low end estimates put 4% of priests as pedophiles - 1/25)... but that goes to the next argument.
Argument 2: "How is equal marriage gonna fix that? How will it reduce these rates? How will it change expectations?"
Well. It won't. Not right away. The civil rights movement and the repealing the White Australia policy in my country, and suffrage hasn't eliminated systemic racism or sexism. What giving them the same rights as anyone else does though is it removes their sub human status. When you're denied something that everyone else has, I'm sure you can understand how that can make you feel that way. But there are legal elements to marriage which people should have rights to that they aren't getting now. For instance, a lesbian couple who'd lived their lives together, 30 years and been in a defacto arrangement (which supposedly gives them the same rights) had, at the end, not been allowed to be with one another as one died of cancer. The lady's parents did. And they had rights when it came to the will and distribution of assets too. Despite the couple working and living their whole lives together to make that happen. Similar legal hurdles and beurocracy come into play for same sex couples even after they've gotten rights to adopt. It's why they march with such zest. It's why we march with them (straight people like myself, and even doctors - they had a supportive march recently in my city in fact).
Surely we can make that tiny little sacrifice of ignoring things that aren't even in our face for the benefit of 3 or 4% of the population.
Argument #3: "But what about the effect it'll have on the children?"
Studies consistently show that children aren't negatively affected by same sex couples. If anything, they're positively impacted, with adolescents and children alike reporting not just feeling normaility, but displaying higher resiliance and many other positive traits. Gay parents seem to cherish this privilege more it could be argued it seems. This is a series of government funded, almost completely unbiased series of studies. Check em out yourself. https://aifs.gov.au/cfca/bibliography/same-sex-parents
Smile? Check.
Argument #4"But what about the effects of normalising it, and the education that comes with that, on MY kids!"
Well, the safe schools program may seem daunting to you. But considering right now a huge chunk of kids are made to feel shit and physically, and sexually abused (18% OF LGB KIDS ARE RAPED!!! 10% STABBED WITH A KNIFE), it might be a good thing to have people more educated about how it is normal in general... If you're concerned, you may be more concerned by the idea that your child may be suffering all of this, and may be thinking of killing themselves without telling you because of your own views on this... But education won't make your child more likely to be gay. Even if it does, you still have your own complete right as a parent to exert your own influence on them to try and influence them to (sometimes inadvertently torturing them emotionally in the process) follow your view and perception of life, without having to torture everyone elses' kids (which leads to their suffering and self harm) in the process. The various arguments they make against education policies such as the Safe Schools program in their pamphlets and campaigns are misleading to say the least. Isolated incidents where 11 year olds are asked to wonder how it would be to be a same sex couple? A review took away such questions so early on. Parents having to fight huge court battles to get their children out of school in other nations where SSM was allowed? They forget to mention that parents in Canada always had the right to withdraw kids from the program. The ridiculous claim that a parent's son was made to wear a dress by school? It never happened.
Argument #5 "But telling kids it's okay to be boys or girls is gonna lead to them wanting to be one or the other, that's screwed up right?"
There's a common misconception held by many that being transgender means you have a pyschological disorder... While not conforming to gender norms does cause distress in many, being transgender itself is definitely not.
What causes gender dysphoria - the condition of being severely distressed by not fitting to gender roles - is the expectation held by society to match their standards. It's caused by many things... personal experiences and abuse at the hands of others (which happens at staggeringly high rates as you'll see below), peoples' responses to those of those who've taken steps to come out, the constant fear of people turning their nose ups or thinking they're weird. Us. Me in the past... I found it weird. It's confronting when you've come from a different background where you've never been exposed to it before.
But even with a background of people who'd traditionally disapproved of such things, I can still see them as just ordinary people. I never have and never would mock them. I can still respect their right to do what they want and wear what they want if it didn't hurt anyone. I empathized with them not just for the fact that 40% (FORTY PERCENT, WTF! In some nations and studies, SIXTY FIVE PERCENT is the number!) have attempted suicide, but because of how hard it must be to be likely ostracized and judged by so many. For again, things they can't control - genetics, a misbalancing of hormones as a result of congenital defects, and various other factors. I've faced enough of that through my battle with cancer... It sucks.
But yeah, as we were chatting, the No campaigner and I, someone pretty much charged and stared down the gentleman. That didn't really help. I was feeling that frustration myself. You can't help but let it out sometimes. And you should. Echo chambers are great places to do so I guess.
But don't let the majority, often oppressors or fascists/racists ('cause this applies to them too), play the victim. I make the parallel here not to say those who vote no are in the same camp, but because similar patterns of portrayals are seen in how they're being covered by the media, which only hurts the case for peace and love. Equal coverage is given to "the militant left" Who weild banners at most to the far right (let's call them what they are) extremists who have hammers, guns and cars (all stuff that's gone on in the States and here). Let's not let them get the upper hand, and avoid that wherever we can. Here's a great video that explains Alt-Right tactics. Tactics being used by No Campaigners, and how we've gotta counter that.
So what are your thoughts? Are there any arguments I missed? Let me know! And share this if you agree. Let's get some REAL news out there. And by the way - if you wanna know more about me, I highly recommend you check out some of my other posts. I hope my first one in particular can inspire some of you. Whether you're dealing with something crap like I did (getting told you had a 10 or 20% chance of living 5 years at 17 ain't easy), or if you need motivation. And also follow me here, and on Social Media (Facebook link, Twitter Link, YouTube for my talks) to follow some pretty cool work I'm doing that could make millions for charity, including designing a hospital bed that costs half as much for hospitals, will save lives, can be deployed to the poorest nations, and features a chunk which can make even YOUR life more comfortable, for under $100 (www.gettosleepeasy.org for more info), and a company that is going to make millions off of memes (incredible, I know). Resources (other than those linked in the article):
Rosenstreich, G., LGBTI people health and suicide, revised second edition, National LGBtI Health Alliance, 2013
Grant, J. M., Mottet, L. A., Tanis, J., Harrison, J., Herman, J. L., & Keisling, M. (2011). Injustice at Every Turn: A Report of the National Transgender Discrimination Survey. Washington: National Center for Transgender Equality and National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. http://www.thetaskforce.org/…/downloads/reports/reports/ntd…
Russell ST, Ryan C, Toomey RB, Diaz RM, Sanchez J. Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender adolescent school victimization: implications for young adult health and adjustment. Journal of School Health. 2011;81(5):223-30.
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The day I got into medicine, was the greatest day of my life. I'm sure many medical students and doctors would tell you the exact same thing... I'd always wanted to study medicine. "What better job was there?" I thought. You could save lives and live in relative comfort your entire life. I'd get to emulate my childhood hero growing up, Captain Hawkeye Pierce from M.A.S.H.
But after leukaemia struck my life... it became personal.
I wanted to help people as I'd been helped. It was my doctor's words; that "The Good News Is You're 17 and You Have Leukaemia, but the Bad News is You're 17, And You Have Leukaemia..." and his actions that got me to believe that I actually had a chance in this... It was another patients' words the day before my transplant that really sunk in, and changed my life. Imagine being in a position to do that for people everyday! My first day in medicine was one of the most joyful of my life. I was so excited to finally be in a position to give back, and so delighted to be alongside so many other people who cared just as me.
But as time went on... things changed.
For me, and for many of my classmates too. As I progressed through the course, I got more and more burdened with work, and more and more indoctrinated (pardon the pun) into the collective Group-Think of modern medicine. One which emphasised speed over accuracy, marks over competence. One which measured success through KPIs such as reduced wait times and greater efficiency rather than reduced morbility and morbidity, and higher patient satisfaction and involvement. As everyone in this profession does. Doctors have one of the highest rates of depression of any profession.
And this in a population who are most educated about mental illness, and the fact that they are illnesses, not just an abstract constructs or "excuses," as many still widely suggest and believe. Somehow still, amongst those with depression or severe symptoms of depression, only 15% of medical students actually get help... For doctors... the rates are even lower. Why is this happening though? Aren't these people being paid heaps? Don't they know the risks of the disease, and how altered biochemistry can alter your very mental state - your very person? Well, there are many reasons why. This article gives great explanations as to why. Various personality traits and attitudes make doctors more likely to suffer from depression. Perfectionists, narcicists, compulsiveness, martryism, and disparaging views of vulnerability are all commonplace. Facing death, watching good people suffer, and losing the battle over and over again also burdens doctors. Burnout from stress affects 45% of doctors, ladies and senior physicians in particular. And as this article puts so poignantly, Osler, the founder of the first American residency program, advocating for steadiness in physicians, was perhaps the largest contributor to all this...
Many doctors feel that showing weakness is a failure on their part.
If they're not steady under pressure, how can they serve their patients?
And that can be a tough burden to bear...
400 doctors take their own lives in America alone.
An entire medical school's worth...
Junior doctors and medical students have similarly sky-high rates of depression and suicide ideation (the 10% figure is a conservative estimate; studies in my nation show , but have the added pressure of exams and the weight of expectations on their shoulders too. Furthermore, other factors, such as living on their own for the first time, often overseas for many students (where the added pressure of maintaining a steady income is another burden), high levels of student debt, and the sheer pressure of the course and succeeding itself plagues many students.
What can we do about it then? I guess that's the question that remains.
Well, dealing with how doctors perceive themselves and mental illness is one step in the right direction.
Letting doctors be human
This great TED Talk, one of the highest rated of all time I believe, discusses the expectation of doctor perfection, and how this counter-intuitively actually worsens patient outcomes.
When doctors feel they have to be perfect, that their mistakes are their fault, a great burden is placed on their head.
It's important to be competent, don't get me wrong. But this unreal expectation of perfection is what, as Brian Goldman points out here, is only harming doctors more.
We're not learning from it right now. There's no mandatory reporting of issues or near misses in hospitals. More recently, at a quality and safety lecture I attended, I learned there was one in our hospitals in my state in Australia, but that it was under-utilized, and something feared by doctors, as opposed to the learning tool it was intended to be.
Something as simple as a place for doctors to confess mistakes, and seek sympathy from other doctors, could change the lives of hundreds of thousands of silently suffering, perfection seeking, burned out medicos. And it could improve patient outcomes too.
The numbers are alarming, to be sure. But not learning from mistakes, not making diagnostic/prescribing/treatment processes better, and not giving doctors a place to vent, and relax, is only going to increase this number if anything.
A great TED talk by a very interesting man - Atul Gawande (highly recommend his books on medicine and how to fix it), discussing a simple process which reduced mortality in surgeries by as much as 40% - a checklist. These little innovations and improvements are necessary to accomplish the end goal of saving more lives and reducing suffering!
Coping with loss
But reducing medical error alone isn't the only way we can ease doctors' strife.
Loss is something many doctors have to face. And it's a big contributor to doctor and medical student dissatisfaction. I can only imagine how going to work everyday, knowing that you're going to witness suffering, pain and death can be soul-wrenching. I certainly do feel disillusioned when walking through wards and seeing the same story, of a seemingly nice person, suddenly finding their health deteriorating, and then, in most cases, never reaching their whole selves again... Indeed, my first brush with depression was due to loss. But if there's one thing I wish I could tell all doctors... It's this.
You can ALWAYS make a difference in peoples' lives!
No matter what their position, no matter what their outcome.
The things I remember, and thank my doctors for aren't their medical decisions or prowess, but rather those times they went above and beyond the call to talk, treat and look after me. I'll never forget the first words of my doctors, the words that made me realise that I DID have a choice in how I viewed all this... The words that helped me resolve to, at the tender age of 17, focus on what I COULD control rather than the horrible things I couldn't - including death. I'll never forget the time one doctor decided to chill in my room while I was hallucinating and horribly weak. Having someone there to ground me made a huge difference. I'll never forget the letter he wrote to the medical board that's allowing me to live my dream today and I'll never forget the time I walked into my doctor's room instead of onto the railway tracks, and I'll never forget the feeling I felt at that time - that I was being cared for.
I can never thank them enough for all of this.
And those things... they took nothing from them, mere moments if anything... and yet they've changed my life.
And those small things... they could be done by anyone, at anytime too.
And they mean the world to people.
I have friends who've passed away from this disease whose families we stay in touch with. They say those little moments, the barbeque we threw and invited them to on a whim on Father's Day, the game of snakes and ladders we played while their father lay on a deathbed smiling, they're things they'll always remember.
It needn't be as large as this. A simple display of humanity in an experience lacking any could mean everything to someone. Something as small as a glass of water, a cheery face, or a hand to hold can and does change lives. They needn't be done only by doctors too... My nurses were the people I was closest too in hospital. They, the receptionists and my social workers have been rocks in torrid waters for me countless times. The words Patch Adams, the world's most famous clown doctor said to me once rings true to this day - "Do you stop being a doctor once you leave the hospital?" Are good deeds and gestures limited to medical personnel? Could similar gestures on the outside help people just as much as in hospital? All of this goes to show that no matter who you are you MUST take every opportunity to try and spread this cheer in the world. It's what makes all of this worthwhile. It's what makes your job a profession. It's why most of us got into this in the first place.
But this isn't the only solution.
It's just a job.
This great article goes into another way of dealing with burnout and dissatisfaction - dissociating from it all and realising it's just a job. It's an idea that's frowned upon, to say the least, by most medicos. The idea that we do this to help others underlies everything we do. The Hippocratic Oath we take precludes such apathy and nonchalance. But as Dr Profeta argues, this approach leads to a near zero burnout rate in ED, which usually has attrition rates upwards of 50%. Sure, smiling and nodding when required helps, but it's not necessarily helpful in the big picture.When Profeta's son was diagnosed with leukaemia, he dropped everything, and even left his post in ED, to be there for him. Perhaps this is the best way to deal with it for some. It's not easy to be there for people all the time. It may well be the best way to deal with it overall... In a job where you have to face human suffering every single day, taking a step back may be the only way to cope. But at the same time, beneath it all, we are all human. We can't help but care. And I'm sure Profeta himself would agree, when his son went through his ordeal, he would have been spared much suffering if he had a caring, empathetic doctor. One who would keep him company, talk to him at his lowest, and inspire him to keep going even when times were tough. One I was lucky enough to get myself. Sure, there are other things we can do. Learning to take breaks, and fostering healthy habits are other great measures we need to take. Talking about it openly, and sharing stories is one great measure that's already making waves. Top down changes and the acknowledgement of there being an issue is another. Australia's AMA is seeking to further this, and has also taken further steps to increasing dialogue between doctors and medical students to fix the toxic culture. One of the most important things, I believe, is to get students to ask eachother, "R U OK?" 3 simple words that have and will always save lives. If people can look out for eachother, and be frank about their shortcomings, perhaps then we'll have less doctors and future doctors suffer.
One of many amazing stories shared on the Australian Medical Student's Association's Facebook page seeking to break down the stigma around mental health and get at risk students the help they need. I took part in this campaign too. My one's at the bottom.
But whatever the measures, it's clear that something needs to be done. That talk needs to become action and that the most isolated among us need to be heard. I for one am trying to do my part. I hope you do yours too. And for those thinking of doing medicine - I hope this doesn't scare you too much.
It is an amazing profession - one where you can make an impact every single day of your life.
