And it's... JUST... SO... FRUSTRATING.
I took a step back and looked at where I was objectively... almost as if I was someone else looking at my life. That pushed the anger and frustration into the background. Then I asked myself why I was feeling pissed off. Why I was getting depressed.
That's when I realised that the frustration I was feeling; the negativity, the anger, the depression - that was all coming from ME. It was a product of MY MIND. Why was I getting angry then? What was it doing... other than making me more frustrated?
There wasn't an answer to that question. Getting frustrated about something I couldn't help... that made no sense.
Why not instead focus on the things I could control instead?
For the first time in weeks... that haze of anger faded away. But there were still some things that bugged me.
And so I kept asking myself... why?
All the doubt I was having about life after all of this... I re-examined.
Seeing the hundreds of thanks and messages of appreciation I'd gotten from others about my posts made me realise that the happiness I could give others from sharing my experiences was more rewarding than the superficial, fleeting moments of joy that good looks, money, power and fame could bring.
He told me of a professor of his while he was studying maths (before he decided to do medicine of course) who'd told him that any problem was solvable. All you had to do was take a step back and approach the problem from another direction, from another perspective, over and over again until things became clear.
The same thing I'd realised myself... in someone else's words.
Hopefully the next one won't take as long to post up. This one took a very long time to write with the fuzzy head and I'm honestly not sure if it's that good or if I keep repeating myself... the next one won't take as long hopefully and will probably be about why you can't afford not to give blood.
https://www.facebook.com/musingsofamedstudentpatient <-- If you or a loved one needs help or if you enjoy my blogs or if you're interested in medicine, like my page on facebook =]