A video update of this!
So... yesterday I woke up with red dots all over my right eye's field of vision, as I did a few months ago; days before I lost vision in my left eye permanently.
I was scared at first. I kept my calm, thought about what to do. I knew I had to go to emergency fast this time, and did that. But on the way thoughts were racing through my mind...
They didn't find out what it was last time.. the thing (a central retinal venous occlusion) causing the red dots, vision loss, and ultimately, the nerve damage, didn't really have a treatment. You had to know the cause to treat it. So even though I'd gotten to it earlier.. there probably wasn't much they could do for me.
I wasn't shocked or scared for me and my loss of vision, though I was saddened at the idea that, well, that could have been the last day I could see. But, within a few minutes, I was already taking a step back and questioning that sadness; why I was feeling it... what I could do instead to be happy. And from that objective perspective, I realised that, well, there was still a chance that this could subside or turn out to be something else. But even if that didn't come to be... I remembered this, the reflections of this man I watched a few months before I lost my vision in the first place.
But I also really intensely focused on this amazing girl I'd heard of from a good friend. She's blind, and still doing so many amazing things! As are these 7 blind people, and many others in the world too. They have these amazing aps, these programs that can read things on the computer for them... they aren't just living... they're THRIVING, and doing so many amazing things for us! There was no reason I couldn't too.
But it was her I thought about most. I guess that just highlights the power that connections to others have when you're going through rough times, something I talked about that in my last post.
This still would probably mean that all my big ideas would fall into dust... A new way to attack cancer that may well cure it for many, even most people, my book on how to get drugs out quicker and cheaper and this big idea I'm working on that'll bring in, potentially, billions more dollars to charities around the world; all that, could be gone forever...
Well.. the good news is that I haven't lost my vision! Not yet at least! Within 8 or 9 hours, I had lost those red dots in my eyes. Last time... they stayed for 2 or 3 days before I lost vision entirely. All I had after that was this cloudiness in many spots of my visual field, and when I "woke up" (I haven't gone to sleep yet, had a high dose of steroids that stopped me from sleeping til like 5 yesterday. I didn't get any sleep last night either...) from lying in bed, even those were gone.
Hopefully this is the best of signs and it won't be back over the next few. I'm going to an appointment in a little bit to hopefully confirm that good news. I'll update you on that soon.
But the fact remains that this was the same thing as last time. They confirmed yesterday morning that it was a CRVO, albeit, a partial one, with less bleeding than last time, and it presented the exact same way, meaning that it's not a random one off.. It could be due to the treatment that I'm getting for my graft versus host disease, which is working, slowly but surely (meaning I may have to stop it), the graft versus host disease itself (which I've exhausted almost all option of stopping to this point) or something else entirely that we still don't know yet.
So I guess I have 2 options now. I can either sit back, sulk feel cursed, resign myself to this gun to my head... Or I can use this to motivate myself. I can choose to make something good of it.
I'm gonna make sure I put MY ALL into all those things now. I'm NOT gonna waste any more time scrolling absently on Facebook, watching YouTube videos I'm only watching to not work or watching the same old TV shows again.. I'll save those for when I need to rest. In the meantime, I'm jumping into all those things I talked about! And I AM gonna make them happen! Here's a glimpse into the ideas I'm talking about in my book on big pharma. The others, I'll get to sooner, rather than later, now.
But I'm also gonna make sure I savour every place, every person, every single thing I get to see now. I know from amazing people like that man in that video (Tony Eddison) and that girl I talked about before, that even if it comes to it... I can still lead a full, healthy life.
I won't be able to write as easily... but I'll still be able to talk, and, well, I could Vlog instead of Blog if it comes to that... I should probably do more of that now anyways.. So subscribe to my YouTube channel.
But while I can... I'm gonna make the most of every moment. Every sight. And enjoy every little thing about life I can!