Monday, February 10, 2014

The worst mistake a man can make... Humour in Hospital #5

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I have to get regular bone marrow biopsies every few months as a leukemia patient. 

As the name suggests, it's a VERY painful procedure. But I only found out late last year that I could actually get sedation for it as an outpatient too with the aid of a wonderful drug called methoxyflurane.

Methoxyflurane, also known as the 'green whistle', is easy to dispense, has powerful analgesic effects well below full doses and has little toxicity to boot, making it an ideal substitute for anesthesia in small procedures or emergency situations. 

It also gets you high as f*ck. 

When I first used it, my doctor mimed out the best way for me to hold and inhale it. 
I was dubious at first, I wanted the full blown, heavy duty stuff if I was getting a needle through my hipbone... not some cheaper, less effective crap. 

For some reason, she refused to handle the actual whistle adamantly. I read the box, it said, "Do not inhale if you are, or may be pregnant." That must have been why, I figured, as I began to take deep breaths and the world began to move ever... so.... slowly...

My parents told me that among other things, while I was going under I kept asking repatitively,

"When's the baby due?"
"Is it a boy or a girl?" 
"Have you picked out names?"

Well... I found out recently that she'd never been pregnant. 
It didn't help that I kept insisting that "YOU MUST BE NOW!" next time either...

Maybe that's why that biopsy hurt more than the others...


I guess I've learnt my lesson...

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